Do I Need To Change? – A Young Mother’s Insecurity

Many years ago, I went through a stage of insecurity regarding my personality as a mother.

I started believing that certain features of my personality needed to change because when I compared myself to other mothers; I felt inadequate.

This got to the point where I wondered whether my children would eventually start liking other mothers more than me. After all, these mums seemed so much better than I. 

Now, there were several aspects of myself that I thought needed to change, and one of those was my introversion and quietness.

I compared myself to all my mum friends and acquaintances who were unlike me.

They were dynamic. They were the life of the party. They talked to everyone confidently about everything, and everyone seemed to love them. 

I would look at myself and think: “people must think I’m terribly boring” because I didn’t chatter away when I was in larger groups of people.

The fact is, I just found that what everyone else said was so much for me to process, I wasn’t able to come up with much to say. 

Comparisonitis

It was around this time that a friend of mine who worked in HR asked me if she could do a questionnaire to find my personality type.

She knew nothing about how I was feeling; it was simply that she liked this field.

Anyway, my friend told me most people have aspects of introversion and extroversion but lean towards one.

She explained that with introversion tendencies, people look inwards for processing ideas and emotions, and they get energy from being alone.

People with extrovert tendencies looked outwards to process ideas and emotions, and they got energy from being with others.

When I completed the questionnaire, she told me the results. I came up with higher introvert tendencies! Hence, my quiet demeanour in large settings.

But there was still a problem: I still felt inadequate.

You see, it was around this time that I felt that being an extrovert was better.

I used to compare myself to all the people I knew who seemed extroverted, and I felt that in not being like them, I fell short.

Truth

But God stepped in. He started speaking to me through the Bible and specifically about Peter, one of Jesus’ disciples.

Now, most people know that Peter was a very passionate person (Matthew 14:28-29, Matthew 26:35, John 13:6-9).

And yet it’s notable that Jesus never said “you need to change Peter”.

It was actually Jesus who started calling him Cephas (i.e. Peter) which means rock.

I believe Jesus saw Peter’s unique personality, and he knew that God would use Peter to found the early church. 

It was then I reflected that God has indeed made each person with distinct personalities, gifts, and temperaments.

I also realized that God had made me a social introvert for a purpose, and my popularity status was unimportant. 

More important was that I honoured God in how I was. God had made my personality. With all its traits and quirks.

As for my insecurity about being a mother who wasn’t as likeable as others, one day I read something that changed my perspective forever. It was this:

“God chose you to be the mother of your child because He knew there was no better person for the job.” (author unknown)

So just like that, I clicked.

God had chosen me to be the mother of my children, and He had chosen my children for me!

Yes, I was quieter than some mums, but that’s what my children needed. 

God had made me to be a unique mother.

God wanted to use my personality to inspire and raise my children, and, in the end, that’s what really mattered.

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