“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” – Psalm 139:14
It was a hot summer’s day, and the room was full of beautiful mothers, chatting away happily. I smiled and I talked to a couple.
But then people moved around and suddenly I had no one to talk to. I felt alone. Alone in a crowded room of people! You see, my loneliness had nothing to do with a lack of physical companionship.
It was simply that I felt unattached in the sea of bonding people. Instead of being comfortable and knowing I was whole in the presence of the God who never leaves me, I felt different, insecure, and apart.
Deep down I knew that each one of us is unique (hence no need to feel like I was the only different one), that we all have worth (hence no need to feel insecure) and that moments of bonding occur at different times and in different ways (hence no need to feel apart).
But in that situation, I let the thought that I was a misfit take hold of me.
I love David’s delight in Psalm 139 at how God made him: wonderfully and fearfully.
In my journey as a mother I have been taking on this truth: I too am wonderfully and fearfully made.
Fearfully and Wonderfully made but Imperfect
It’s hard to believe I’m fearfully and wonderfully made when I look at my imperfections.
I often feel I am inadequate.
The reality is God created me according to His image. God created me wonderfully and fearfully. God chose me. He made me unique.
The problem is that as a human being I chose to sin. And sin mars my image. I still show reflections of God’s image but tainted with sin.
Becoming more like Jesus – becoming myself
While I believe that God created me wonderfully and fearfully, because of sin marring my image I now need to give myself back to God, let go of my sin, and become who He designed me to be – my true self.
CS Lewis puts it like this:
“Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favourite wishes every day and death of your whole body, in the end submit with every fibre of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.”
So, it’s when I surrender my whole self to God that I become who He created me to be.
From the moment I started giving myself back to God, He started His wonderful work of making me more as He intended in the first place. As He is molding my character, He is also giving me my true self. My true personality.